Damn it- Random thoughts

-It's amazing how one small thought can lead you down a very dangerous path. I am my own worst enemy.

-I need to get out of my own head for a while. I have too much free time that goes into worrying, thinking, over thinking, stressing out, and basic emotional self-destruction. I need a hobby or something.

-Everyone I know seems to be doing something with their lives this summer, and I've done nothing. I don't make enough money, I'm not very talented and I'm not feeling particularly creative lately. 

-I like a girl who is 300 miles away. I'm supposed to skype with her this week. I'm going to do it, I'm going to ask her out and tell her how I feel, I have to. If I don't, I just prove to myself how chicken shit and worthless I am.

-I need to go to the gym or atleast start eating better. I haven't put on any weight, thank God, but I'm not exactly in shape or anything.

-I should go to the park and work on my frisbee throws. My back hand needs work and my forehand is non-existent. 

- Why am I always so scared and nervous of doing things that could be good for me?

-My luck just never seems to change, and when it seems like it's going to, one piece of news just bites me in the ass

It's Monday...I guess

It's Monday....hooray. My day was pretty boring. Woke up, ran some errands, ate some food, went to work. Not all that exciting. The highlight was talking to that cute redhead.

Anyway.

I'm not really sure what to talk about. Everyone else seems to be having a better summer than me. Everyone is going on trips, and going to fun places and seeing people...and I am stuck in South Park. My summers haven't been this boring in a long time.

Last summer, I went to freakin' Europe. It was awesome. The summer before that, I went to Cape May, NJ to go to the beach. Summer before that one, well that was a bit boring, but atleast I went places. And finally in  the summer of 2009 I was in Honduras. I'm not asking for another globe trotting adventure, but something better than being stuck in my hometown and just waiting to go to work my entire summer is not the way I want this to go.

But I'm done. I need to find a hobby or something.

Unsure

Everyone and every group of friends have that one couple who seem like they are perfect for each other, and  seem as though they are going to withstand the test of time. In short, they seem like Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. Lame association, I know, but that's the best way I have to describe it. I have a couple in my life that seem like that. And they are both wonderful people, and I'm real glad to have them in my life, but there is one thing. I am jealous as shit.

I'm not someone who has ever been very good at meeting girls, going on dates, or any of that stuff that you're suppose to figure out, at least partially, in high school. There were girls I liked of course, but nothing ever panned out due to them not feeling the same way, or me just being to nervous to act on anything. And since hitting college, not much has really changed, except that I am now more stressed out about girls and dating, and for the first time in my life, I truly have no idea what I'm doing.

To begin, I have never had anything close to what anyone would call a successful or real relationship. I suck at this kind of thing. I over-think. get in my own way. and am always afraid of screwing up. My experiences with girls in college have been brief, culminating with my date to my fraternity's formal.

 I had asked her a couple weeks before, and we had been hitting it off pretty well. Late night flirting, fire down by the lake, cuddling and watching movies, stuff you do at the beginning before any serious stuff. We drive out to my formal which is a weekend in the woods. We hold hands on a hike, we cuddle on the couch, we go on walks. That Saturday night, we were all having a good time, until I got real sick, and threw up on myself. I felt like I embarrassed myself and my date, and felt like I ruined the weekend. What made it even worse was when I was too tired and sick to drive back, and had to pull over, and she decided to take the wheel for the remainder of the ride back to school. I felt like an idiot, and things felt weird between us after. We stopped talking after a while, and we haven't really talked since. 

That whole situation kinda brought me to a point of collapse, because I was nervous and had no idea what I was doing.

Now, I've been talking to this other girl for almost a month and a half. It started during finals week, and we've been talking ever since. And I like her. She's cute, smart, funny, likes video games, classic rock, and has a pirating streak longer than Black Beard. Now, the problem is, she may not be coming back to school next year....and I have no idea what to do. I really want her to come back, but she lives too far for long distance, since we havent seen each other since May. 

I'm not someone who is confident, good looking, or funny enough to sleep around or being "That guy." I'm pretty sure I could only function in a relationship. I don't know. All I know is that I want is what my friends that are together have. To have someone who is happy to see you, and that when you look at them, you feel happy and you know that they are happy to just be there with you. Maybe it's just too much to ask for someone like me. I just have bad luck I guess, but maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who will feel that way about me and me about them. I guess I'll just have to see what life throws at me.

And so it begins: Grad Party Season 2012


This is going to be more of a recap of my weekend, rather than a rant about graduation parties...that may come later.

After my exciting night of catering to every member of the South Park High School graduating class at work, my weekend began.

Saturday:
Man, this could totally have be a Saturday Fraturday post...those may start when school picks back up.
Anyway. My Saturday began like many a Saturday, I woke up around 11 am and my mother proceeded to yell at me about something stupid. I'm not saying that she just yells at me for stupid stuff, but this was so dumb I forgot what it was. Then I was told that this morning, I would be moving the block that was delivered to the house on Friday that we are going to use to rebuild our retaining wall. That took about 2 hours. After that, I hopped in the shower and proceeded off to my buddy Matt's house to go to a grad party. I show up at his house, say hello to his parents, and he tells me we need to go to the local hardware store for leaf bags for his parents. After our errand was run, we walked down the street to the party. After filling up on traditional fried chicken and pasta, I shot the shit with some old classmates for oh say...7 hours. The night contained many pranks, a fire, a migration, and another fire.This wrapped up around 2 am...mostly because I didn't want to eat a shovel of shit from my mom for getting in so late the next morning...and so we proceed onto Sunday.

Sunday was a very boring day. I woke up in the morning...around noon this time, and headed downstairs to find out we would be taking down the old retaining wall today. Oh joy. Between the blocks, mud, spiders, ants, snakes, and centipedes, it went rather smoothly. If anyone would like 300 concrete cylinders, they're all yours. This was followed up with a trip to the store to get myself new shoes because my old ones finally fell a part. Has some eggplant parmesan for dinner. Pretty bland day. It was made better by talking to a nice young woman for the past 6-7 hours.

I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow to go to work with my dad, and then drive back to close at the Clubhouse. That's for two days in a row, fun stuff right. Keep telling myself I need the money. Alright all, I'm going to bed, seeya

Exciting Life: Take One


Alright, I guess since it's Friday, wait...it's actually Saturday now....screw it. It's been two days, time to recap.

Thursday was a very big day for me. Spending a large part of the day aiding my currently wheelchair bound mother turned out to be about exactly as exciting as it sounds, but I have to rack up so "good son" points in the books somewhere.  Anyway. It was a typical Thursday in the summer for me, didn't have to work, it was a pleasant 74 degrees all day, and I sat in my room on the computer in my pajamas like a champ. 4 o'clock rolls around, and that's where the fun starts. After getting all clean and socially acceptable, I hop in the car with mum and we drive out to Moon, about 45 minutes North of where I live, and head to the Volkswagon dealer. That past Monday, Memorial Day, I spent the better part of three hours there negotiating the price of a brand-new 2012 VW Golf, my real, true first car that would be in my name, and be all mine to do with as I please. Let me tell you, the wait was worth it. It's smaller than my old ride (a '02 Ford Explorer), better mpgs, and a lot of fun to drive when you slam it down into sport and fly around the corners of the streets in my town. Pictures of it are forthcoming.

Then after picking it up, we came home and got some Chinese food, always a win.

I bummed around the house for a bit, played some games on my computer, nothing much exciting to be found. Around 10:30, I hop on Skype to talk to Rachel, some girl from college, she's alright I guess (check her out here ---> http://tinyurl.com/6v42vqa). She's really probably one of my best friends up there. We talked about random shit, life, relationships, how I am a sad depressing human being, stuff like that. It was actually pretty nice. And then, after a bit more computer gaming, I threw Warhorse into the ol' Blu-ray player and fell asleep. Let me tell you, explosions and horse noises led to some weird ass dreams...none of which I can remember. And now onto Friday.

Friday was pretty uneventful. Woke up late, as per usual. Derped around, did some chores, helped mom out, stuff like that. The Lowes guy showed up around 12:00 to drop off about 4 pallets of block. We are rebuilding our retaining wall this week...hooray. And then around 2:45, I am forced to drive my brother out to a Ford dealership in Bridgeville (about a half hour both ways) so he could pick up his car. I was rather panicked, because we hit traffic, and did not want to be late for work, because today I was asking for a raise. I got it by the way, .50, hooray me. Work was busy all night. The restaurant I work at is literally 5 steps from my high school, and tonight was graduation. We got slammed all night, until about 10:30, and them it became a frantic scramble to get everything clean and stocked so I could go home on time at midnight. I got out late, but only by like 10 minutes, and without all the stuff my fellow pizza guy Rob did before he left, I would have been even worse. I would like to congratulate the South Park Class of 2012, but those of you who came to the Clubhouse can eat a bag of dicks. And now, I sit at my computer typing this. Fun day right? Not really. Well atleast I'm off until Monday, but that's another story all together. Alright, seeya.

A Little About Myself


      Thought I'd talk a little bit about myself, since the last post didn't seem to tell you much about who I am. I am a 19 year old college...sophomore now I guess, geez...studying the wonderfully exciting world of history with a minor in Secondary Education. I am what many people would consider "nerdy" with what may be seen as an unhealthy knowledge of all things Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Game of Thrones.
     I like to read, play video games, mess around with my computer, play ultimate Frisbee, watch movies, and sleep. I like to travel quite a bit, granted most planes are not conducive to my height, being that I am 6'4", and leg room seems to be sparse on international flights. I will talk about my trips somewhere down the road, maybe next time when if nothing comes to mind.
    My friends mean the world to me, though I won't let them know that. Without them I would be an amazing introvert. I am single, but not from lack of trying, ladies. I've never been one to really talk myself up, so I'm not really sure what else to say. I like to speak my mind, and I write very much like I speak, so be warned, it's a mix of pretentious ass mixed with a bit of Pittsburghese and a whole bunch of swearing. I wish I had more pictures for this blog, but that will have to wait for my camera to get fixed.

This is a long shot, but if anyone actually reads what I write, feel free to comment, ask questions, stuff like that, I would appreciate it. Seeya

Ummm...Hi? I guess? I tried this whole blog thing in the past, and it really led to me posting a couple book long posts with no coherent thought to be found with in the textual spew that came forth from my finger tips. Anyway, thought I would try this again. Keep something like a journal of the "exciting" happenings of my life. So yah, we'll see how this goes, God help us all.